Rebecca Culbreth- Reflection Blog (McCandlesses)

To be honest, I hated Chris McCandless before tonight. I thought him to be an inconsiderate, selfish, ignorant boy who set out on a "Grand Adventure" in the stupidest of ways. However, after tonight, my opinion has changed. What I now feel for him is pity... empathy. He was a son, a brother. He was truly a human being. Now what I see in him is a "lost soul" so to speak. A boy who was looking for the easiest way to find himself and become a man. He shows signs some type of mental instability that would lead him to making such a rash decision. While I still think he was stupid, not to do what he did, but to do it the way he did it, I can understand his need, his desire for such a strong breaking away from the norm. His life growing up in the "big city" area of D.C. was so planned out. Everything was layed before him, easily accessible. He is not alone in craving the plain and simple way of working for what you want. His resentment for the "easy" I think is what eventually led him to abandon his car. I think that Chris wanted so badly to feel whole and complete, that he tried for the simplest means of survival. He needed that extra something... that last little bit in his life. Was it God he sought after so intensely? For many people, God and nature go hand in hand. Maybe he craved that closeness to God through one of His first creations. Little did he know, that which he wanted to badly would lead to his death. I'm sorry Chris, that you were so blinded by your dream that you were led to make such an irrational decision. Didn't you know there were better ways?

In a way, I respect him. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. And he constantly worked toward his goal until he got it. That takes guts. He wouldn't give up.

But at the same time, I'm mad at him. Didn't he realise how badly he hurt people? How many people he left behind, worrying and wondering about him? Did he even care? So many people went out on a limb for him. So many people tried so hard to make him happy, and he repaid them by leaving them when they starting getting attached?

So maybe some of my anger is still there. But it's not nearly as bad as it was. I now see how much I can relate to him. Often I have found solace, and closeness to God through nature. So all in all, Chris McCandless, I think I hate you because I am so much like you. I, however, don't have the guts to do what you did.

My hat is off, jerk.